eeee:)

i'm so excited.
i'm finally 21! i can go dancing with these ones...!!!

i read through my old myspace blog and loved it so much! i was so young and insightful! i also found old pictures. such as-

the days of playing 'sex' (i didn't make up the name) dating cody, and young womens.

dang what a duo we were. we tore that summer apart.

i have been looking for this artist for literally YEARS.
i love everything he does!!
www.explodingdog.com

oh.

and i got a job in california set up for when i move there.
i couldn't be happier.

oh p.s.
race for the cure 5k.
it was loosely timed but i'm pretty sure i made my goal 30 minutes!
thanks to spencer.

whack a kitty.

too funny and cute to not post.

i cried when i walked away.

I will never get over this book.

the perks of being a wallflower.
stephen chbosky.

August 25, 1991
"Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have.
I need to know that these people exist."

"My dad said, "There are other people who have it a lot worse."

October 28, 1991

"Sam then climbed in the back of the pickup, wearing nothing but her dance dress. She told Patrick to drive, and he got this smile on his face. I guess they had done this before.
Patrick started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, Sam stood up, and the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vacuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "Landslide." When we got out of the tunnel, Sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

November 15, 1991
"My dad had glory days once. I've seen pictures of him when he was young. He was a very handsome man. I don't know any other way to put it. He looked like all old pictures look. Old pictures look very rugged and young, and the people in the photographs always seem a lot happier than you are."...

"I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I hope that they believe me."

December 21, 1991
"It was an old 45 record that had the Beatles' song "Something." I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to the person. And I didn't mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways..."

December 30, 1991
"I remember when I was just about to say good-bye to my Aunt Helen, I started crying. It was a real kind of crying, too. Not the panicky type, which I do a lot. And I made Aunt Helen a promise to only cry about important things because I would hate to think that crying as much as I do would make crying to Aunt Helen less than it is."

January 14, 1991
"I feel like a big faker because I've been putting my life back together, and nobody knows."

March 28, 1992
"My sister said that people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want..."

April 29, 1992
"But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."


May 2, 1992
"When you find a penny, it's only "lucky" if it's heads-up. He says the best thing to do is find a lucky penny when you're with someone and give the other person the good luck."

June 2, 1992
"I would die for you, but I won't live for you."

June 22, 1992
""Charlie, I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them."
She was starting to cry a little, but she wasn't sad..."

August 23, 1992
"And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame..."

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them, but even if we don't have the power to choose where we came from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

"Even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad."

"So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough.

And I will believe the same about you.

Love always,

Charlie"

i am.

i am: often sick to my stomach. lately, very bored.
i think: less about feelings (mine or other peoples) than i should.
i know: the earth rotates. at a very precise speed.
i want: someone else to pack my ish and transport me to california. uh.
i have: a life that should be televised.
i wish: i made $20 an hour.
i dislike: being idle.
i miss: a few things.
i fear: august.
i feel: happy.
i hear: a girl singing from my coworkers computer.
i smell: clean. i showered this morning. shocking.
i crave: tomoato bisque soup from hagermann's. every single day.
i usually: day dream before falling asleep.
i search: ponder and pray. ha.
i wonder: where i will be in one year. literally and figuratively.
i regret: almost nothing. you learn from mistakes. they make you.
i love: carefully.
i care: about my family soooo muchhh.
i always: have my phone.
i worry: about the future.
i am not: perfect.
i remember: not enough about my past.
i believe: in the church.
i dance: terribly. but love to do it.
i sing: in the car. really loud. and really animated.
i don’t always: wake up on time. wait, what?
i argue: when i am tired.
i write: when i'm sad.
i win: games when i am not playing with my family.
i lose: games when playing with my family. my dad wins.
i never: fall asleep on my back.
i listen: to music as often as i can.
i don't understand: any chinese. at all.
i can usually be found: at work. thats the only predictable spot.
i am scared: of spiders, and heights. and flying, even though i've done it so much, i never get used to it.
i need: to go to the grocery store. and to clean my car. and other things.
i forget: mean things that i say to people. i'm sorry if i've said something mean to you. it was probably meant to be sarcastic, and was mean when i intended it not to be.
i am happy about: life.

Looking for a job?

Hey peeps you may have heard, I am moving to California at the end of May. I am looking for someone to take my job for two months while I am gone! Its a really great job. Its a receptionist position, answering calls, putting mail orders into the computer, filing etc... Its really easy and really fun. The girl you'd work with is really cute and laid back. Its from 8am-2pm Monday-Friday. I work two Saturdays a months for 4.5 hours, or you can just work one Saturday a month for 9 hours. Its super chill, and really easy. I think they'd pay you $9 an hour. Oh it would be June 1st-August 1st. They are very flexible as well. Leave me a comment if you are interested or know if someone else is interested. Thanks! :)

here we are.

My day consisted of
-Waking up late of course. The only reason why I woke up 15 minutes before sacrament meeting started is because Jesus gently shook me NO JOKE. I am not being blasphemous.
-Running to Jon's church. Sitting through fast and testimony meeting, listening to Jon and his mother bare theirs. Really touching, really sad, tons of tears.
-Walking out of the church and seeing someone trying to slice Jon's tires. Uh, wtf? Do you REALLY want to mess with a future marine? Jon chased after them and banged on the window but the guy wouldn't stop so he bottomed out his brand new BMW and Jon threw his keys at the back of his car as hard as he could from ten feet away.
-Family party with fun conversation and fun food. The old ladies from his ward love me, Mrs. Moody told me that she hopes things work out with Jonathan and I. I told her I did too. We ended the party with all saying something to Jon. What we thought about him, what we wished for him, etc...
I said (after saying "I'll try not to make this too personal...") "I think that you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Mentally and physically. And as you go into the Marines, I know that you aren't going to do anything but excel. You're going to make it to the very top."
-He asked for a blessing from one of the men, then him, his mother and brother were on their way. They went to the recruiting office, then went down to the Radisson to check him it at the hotel. I help cleaned up the house, then laid on their couch for awhile before having a panic attack then drove to my dads and chilled out a bit...I went back as soon as he got home. We jumped on the tramp with his brother (laughed so hard) then watched the golden compass. I did not fall asleep, Jon did, but I could still not tell you what that movie is about. Figure that one out. We then ate left overs, then went to Albertson's for milk. When we got back, we watched a really cool movie. Men in the Quarom of the Seventy that are war veterans were talking about how being in the military is going to affect us. What to do and expect, and what not to do. Finally, we decided it was ready to go. So he bid farewell to his family while i waited in the car. On the way down, we laughed and talked. It was light hearted. Then we hung out in the lobby for a bit. He finally walked me to my car and we said goodbye. We were teary eyed but it was pretty easy. We hugged a lot, and kissed a lot. And flirted and laughed. I really love that kid, he makes me so happy. Even when I should be sad. Then I drove away. And he stood there and waved. And watched me drive away. And when he was out of my sight, I started to cry. And I cried the whole way home. The shameless kind of cry with your hand over your mouth and your eyes wide. Shocked and upset with yourself that you're crying to hard, and scared about being at the point where you have a reason to cry that hard.
It was a good day. I'm home now. Wearing his "American by Birth, Marines by Choice" shirt (haha), going through all my texts trying to save the cutest ones. Which is an impossible task, seeing as how we're the most embarrassingly cute couple ever. Our texts to each other are quite ridiculous.
"Hey gorgeous"
"I miss you."
"I miss you more."
"I can NOT wait to see you !!"
Random "I love you"'s in the middle of the day, middle of a normal conversation. Eeeee thinking about him makes me happy.
Even given the circumstances. Crazy? Yes.
Natural? Very.