miss you, gran.

i am really missing my granny today. really, really missing her. 

i was trying to find this one winnie the pooh quote that makes me think of her and stumbled upon lots of winnie the pooh quotes that make me think of her. turns out winnie the pooh reminds me a lot of my gran! nonchalant, funny, and so very kind. 

i thought i'd post a few of them here. 

"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave."

"If there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you."

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."

"When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish."

"It took their minds off everything...and it was good for me, too."

""I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.

"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."" 

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

-Winnie the Pooh

dreamland pt 1.

"We saw her mom at the store," I explained.

"Oh," he said, popping [one frito] into his mouth. "How'd that go?"

"Shit!" Corinna said loudly, as something crashed and broke in the kitchen. "Goddammit."

"Not so good," I told him.

He sighed, standing up. "Here," he said, handing off the Fritos to me. "I'm going in."

I watched as he pushed the kitchen door open. It started to swing shut behind him before catching on the stubborn piece of kitchen tile that poked up at the edge of the threshold. He walked over to where Corinna was standing, crying, holding a piece of broken plate in her hand.

"This fell," she said, holding it up as proof. "I didn't drop it."

"I know," he said, taking it out of her hand and putting it on the counter. "It's okay."

She wiped at her eyes, impatiently. Then she said, "I hate that I let her do this to me. It's so dysfunctional."

"It's not your fault," Dave said as Corinna closed her eyes, leaning her face against his chest, and I felt bad for watching, turning my attention to the Brady Bunch rerun on the TV.

I wondered again if this was what Cass's life was like with Adam in New York. I hoped so. Even if she was struggling and living off Ramen-noddle soup, it seemed perfect to be in this kind of love.

Corinna was still crying, even as Dave kissed her forhead and smiled, taking one of her hands and twirling her around the small, paint-peeling kitchen. "Stop," she said, half-laughing as he dipped her over the garbage can. "David, honestly."

He was humming something, a song I didn't know, as he twirled her out, then pulled her back, scooping an arm around her waist, and led her into an exaggerated tango, both of them stepping expertly over the dog bowl.

"You're crazy," she said, but now she was smiling.

Outside the window over my shoulder it was winter, flat and gray. But in the kitchen, under the warm bulb light, they were still dancing, laughing, twirling across the tiny floor while those silver bracelets jingled, making music all their own.

page 125 DREAMLAND, Sarah Dessen

How to be alone by Tanya Davis.

This is a really great video and poem.

If you are at first lonely, be patient. 

If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. 

You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

Tthere's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. 

Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. 
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

 take silence and respect it. 

you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

c.s.lewis.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. 

What on earth is He up to? 

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

USMC Fiancé.

i am such a fan of these.

it explains how things are better than i can.

and yes, the ending is pretty cheesey.

You think you know me, but you haven't the slightest clue.

I'm the brunette standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eyeing the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while paging through the latest issue of Modern Bride. The look on her face is complacent and her thoughts are thousands of miles away on some military base she's only been verbally described of over the phone.

I'm the young girl in the next car with the windows rolled up and the glassy visage only on the road ahead. The radio is set to one of the local country stations which is currently playing "Letters From Home." But you can't hear it because you're talking to a family member or a friend on your cell phone. You catch a glance at the Marines sticker on the bumper of her car but you don't know that when the song reaches "My dearest love it's almost dawn, I've been laying here all night long, wondering where you might be...", her heart breaks a thousand times.

I'm the young woman who is planning an entire wedding on her own, with only the little input she can get from her husband-to-be over the phone.

I'm the girl who visits the Marine Corps Wives website at odd hours of the night to find some kind of comfort for that lonesome feeling that has settled in the pit of her stomach.

I'm the woman who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen. I'm the woman who will willingly sacrifice her family, her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this but deals with it without complaint.

I'm the young woman who swells with pride every time she sees her Marine standing tall in his dress blues. I'm the one who spots a Marine sticker, license plate, or flag and feels a connection with its owner, hoping that maybe she's not alone in this melancholy, sacrificial situation.

I'm the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President, regardless of her own opinion because he is the boss of her soon to be husband, because he's the man who our troops are fighting under.

I am the young woman who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life.

I am the young woman who tries to concentrate during her classes and do the job she gets paid to do.

I am the young woman who hates sleeping alone.

I am the young woman who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is laying right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her.

I am the young woman who tries not to miss him, who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of marines.

I am the woman who is terrified that the love of her life will be sent off to war, disabling them to get married when they had planned, hoped, and prayed.

I am many things.

A daughter.

A sister.

A cousin.

A niece.

A co-worker.

A friend.

But most importantly, I am the fiancé of a United States Marine.

"eat, pray, love."

"I seriously believed [he] was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is, you don't understand what that means. People think your soul mate is your perfect fit, and thats what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet because they'll tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. (...) [Their purpose is] to shake you up, (...) tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you HAD to transform your life. Then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was [his] job. And he did great. But now it's over."

Thank God for it.

cutecute.

This girl on facebook added this little list. I thought it was cute.


To Our Men:
1.) If she wasn't emotional before, that is all about to change. (HA!)
2.) You getting a higher rank could just mean an automatic free lay.
3.) Get her a pair of dog tags, ASAP. This is crucial, she will never take them off.
4.) Most of the time, you losing reception during training is your fault. Though, she will eventually understand.
5.) Most of the time, everything is your fault. This especially goes for when she is pregnant.
6.) She WILL start talking like your guys and you talk, including using your last names.
7.) Her patriotism could out-do most of your men... she will be proud... VERY proud.
8.) Be ready: your car will end up with a yellow ribbon magnet of an "I LOVE MY MARINE" sticker eventually. If you have separate cars, hers will DEFINITELY have these.
9.) She will most likely need a pair of dog tags to hang from the car's rear view mirror. (see 3)
10.) Every week she'll have "another song" that makes her think of you when you're away. And she'll cry to it, even when you're in the same room.
11.) She'll make 5 million friends online, and talk to you about them all the time because her "old friends just don't understand" like they do.
12.) Don't be shocked when she just drops civilian chicks out of her life like flies. She mostly does this when they complain to her.
13.) DO NOT if you love her, say anything about you not wanting to make her wait for you... TRUST me men, YOU ARE WORTH every breath to these women, or they wouldn't be here.
14.) Most women actually do LOVE it when you are sweaty and dirty, even the girlie girls. It's sexy as hell!
15.) Only bring up the field once, say it clear, and don't bring it up again. We will remember the time, the dates like stone inside our mind. Don't remind us.
16.) You are our hero. That isn't us being cute, it's us swelling with pride, feeling like a princess every time we glance over and you're standing there.
17.) Don't worry about waking her up when you get a chance to call, trust me, she's NOT sleeping. If she is, she's been waiting for you to call all night and she fell asleep next to the phone.
18.) Leave at least 3 of your shirts for her...she'll wear them all the time and if she doesn't wear them out she WILL wear them to sleep.
19.) No matter what she was like before, she is tougher and harder than a rock now. She can handle anything, she will get through it, tears or no tears.
20.) Don't be discouraged or taken back from her strength. It comes with territory. When in your arms, she's still your princess, soft and sweet.
21.) Your kids might see mommy as the one in charge for a while, it's okay, they will respect you, just give it time.
22.) EVERYTHING in her life will be complicated, so she might not always get the simple things you say to her.
23.) She will spend hours to look good on cam and pics for you.
24.) Her favorite sentences from you start with "when I get home".

Lastly guys,
25.) No matter how much she's changed, never forget that you mean the world to her, she loves you more than anything and you will ALWAYS be her hero...whether you think you are one or not.

bob marley.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

I will never get over this book.

the perks of being a wallflower.
stephen chbosky.

August 25, 1991
"Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have.
I need to know that these people exist."

"My dad said, "There are other people who have it a lot worse."

October 28, 1991

"Sam then climbed in the back of the pickup, wearing nothing but her dance dress. She told Patrick to drive, and he got this smile on his face. I guess they had done this before.
Patrick started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, Sam stood up, and the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vacuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "Landslide." When we got out of the tunnel, Sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

November 15, 1991
"My dad had glory days once. I've seen pictures of him when he was young. He was a very handsome man. I don't know any other way to put it. He looked like all old pictures look. Old pictures look very rugged and young, and the people in the photographs always seem a lot happier than you are."...

"I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs. And I hope that they believe me."

December 21, 1991
"It was an old 45 record that had the Beatles' song "Something." I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to the person. And I didn't mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways..."

December 30, 1991
"I remember when I was just about to say good-bye to my Aunt Helen, I started crying. It was a real kind of crying, too. Not the panicky type, which I do a lot. And I made Aunt Helen a promise to only cry about important things because I would hate to think that crying as much as I do would make crying to Aunt Helen less than it is."

January 14, 1991
"I feel like a big faker because I've been putting my life back together, and nobody knows."

March 28, 1992
"My sister said that people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want..."

April 29, 1992
"But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."


May 2, 1992
"When you find a penny, it's only "lucky" if it's heads-up. He says the best thing to do is find a lucky penny when you're with someone and give the other person the good luck."

June 2, 1992
"I would die for you, but I won't live for you."

June 22, 1992
""Charlie, I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them."
She was starting to cry a little, but she wasn't sad..."

August 23, 1992
"And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame..."

"So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them, but even if we don't have the power to choose where we came from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

"Even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad."

"So, if this does end up being my last letter, please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough.

And I will believe the same about you.

Love always,

Charlie"

now i know.

it shouldnt hurt.
i deserved it.
and i saw it coming.

but it still hurts.
a lot.
even though i saw it coming.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
maybe this quote by Marilyn Monroe will ring true once again.
just maybe.