gonegonegone.

jon left this week.

he's now somewhere in the middle east. 

maybe i should have written this post when i was feeling good, i'm starting to be sad.

we had fun the day before he left. 

we got our reimbursement back for the move...

$$$$$$$

we got twice as much back than we expected.

that amount also happened to be equal to two of jon's paychecks. 

we paid all of our bills so that we were a paycheck ahead on them, and then.....

spent spent spent. 

we got lunch, went to barnes and noble to get books for him to take with him and a book for me to read,

best buy to get a hard drive to back up both of our computers in case they crash in the next 7 months, 

headphones for jon to take with him, work out stuff for him, 

and my darling got me such a beautiful coach purse.

the best part about that is, there was only one left and there was a minor stratch, 

so they gave us 5% off.

also, in two weeks, the purses are going on sale for 15% off. I just need to take in my receipt and they will give me money back.

they're like...paying me for using their purse. 

it was so awesome being able to spend freely, it was such a fun last day to have him here.

oh, did i mention that we paid off his credit card and my credit card this week??

then i made cookies for jon to take with him on the plane(s).

i tried to make the frosting RED for marine corps colors...it turned out pink.

i sent my husband to afghanistan with pink cookies.

that night, we went on a date. 

his hair cut is a joke, fyi. he wanted to get a flattop for his deployment.

he's so so awful.

we went to bed at a reasonable time, knowing we had to wake up early.

i woke up earlier than i expected, however. at 1:50 am to be exact. 

my angry, angry stomach woke me up, screaming at me, telling me i had to throw up.

i hadn't felt anxious or an overwhelming feeling of anticipation until that time.

and boy was i anxious.

i woke jon up and told him i wasn't going to take him to Camp Pendleton to drop him off.

jon has been working about an hour away for three months.

every morning around 4-5:20, jon would kiss me goodbye.

i'd barely wake up enough to say 'i love you'.

on the days that jon got to go in later,

(appointment, or something...)

i would wake up and we would talk. 

and it was the hardest ever for him to leave and for me to watch him leave.

so, for months, i have been telling him that on the day of his deployment, 

i wanted him to just kiss me goodbye while i was asleep.

it was a joke. but the morning before he had to leave, i wasn't joking. 

he rubbed my tummy until i fell asleep.

when he woke me up at 4, i knew i had to take him.

he woke me up, undressed me (uh), and carried me to the shower.

(what am i going to do while he's gone when i have to wake up early? 

i simply can not get myself out of bed sometimes...)

then we were on our way to camp pendleton.

this is us at 5 am...feelin pretty good about the situation.

jon was assigned to be a Guardian Angel. meaning, he had to stay awake at every stop to make sure everything was okay, also it meant that he got to carry rounds with his gun...

doesnt he look like such a nice guardian angel??

we waited...and waited. until finally the buses came around 845.

so we said our goodbyes. just hugged, and cried.

it was so hard to say goodbye.

i love him dearly, and i just want him to be safe.

i'm so proud of him though, and know that 7-8 months will go by fast.

we've been preparing for this since march.

remember?

so i've got this.

i'm not going to say it doesn't suck.

but the good parts about it?

finally i can sleep through the night, i'm not constantly pushing jon back onto his 'side' of our full sized bed.

and

the extra $$, obviously. paying off bills and saving saving.

and thats about it.

as soon as i returned home from camp pendleton, i came home to this.

little rumbi, licking the tears off my face.

she is such a good companion.

she is biting me 99.9% of the time, but she sure does keep me company.

when i get out of the shower, i open the door to see her laying on the carpet in the hallway.

when i'm working, she's sleeping at my feet under the desk.

when i'm eating, she's sitting on my lap at the table.

when i'm sleeping, she's also sleeping (or biting my fingers and playing with my hair) on jon's pillow.

she runs to the door when i get home, cries when she thinks i left but am really just upstairs, and jumps around so happy when i wake up in the morning, hours after she first started biting my hand.

in fact, this is her positioning right now. i love her.

and lastly.

here is my jar of candies.

see how its already almost empty!!?

i've already eaten two.

come home soon, baby.


p.s.
kelli, thank you for flattering me. 
and making me feel better about my poorly planned wedding. :)

c.s.lewis.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. 

What on earth is He up to? 

The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

i am so happy.

lately I have had such good experiences.

people in this world are so NICE.

i believe that there can always be positive news in every source of bad news. 

i believe negativity can and does ruin lives.

i know sometimes it is hard, but for the most part, it's pretty darn easy to be happy. 

don't feel sorry for yourself, don't complain. 

help others and most importantly-help yourself.

I have a poem that has hung in my bathroom since i was in high school, it's written by Audrey Hepburn called Beauty Tips.
This is one of my favorite parts-

"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two  hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others."

it seems to me like people are so eager to get help from others, even before getting help from themselves. and it seems like a chore to do favors for people. 

i'm learning so much from people around me, and really trying harder to remember this. it's so worth it to take everything that is thrown at you in a positive manner. 

i had heard such bad things about the military before i married jon. i tried to set my mind straight before i even moved out here. things are NEVER going to be set in stone. your husband WILL deploy and we will not tell you when until we deem it necessary. you'll probably have to move away as soon as you start making friends and you'll never stay in one house longer than you'd hope.

jon and i decided before we got married that we wouldn't complain about the marine corps. once you start complaining about something, anything, you can't ever stop. and then your life, and in our case-our military life, becomes miserable.

i called my grandma tonight, she told me about my uncle. he was grocery shopping when an employee asked him if he wanted to put his name in a drawing for free groceries. he did and the next morning got a call saying he won!!! he went to the store and had two minutes to grab anything he wanted in a certain brand. he ran to the meat counter and got tons of meat and cheese. he said that all the kids were laughing and smiling, people were clapping for him, and the cashiers all waved him off when he left. he and my grandma don't have much. they kept some of the food for the two of them, and gave the rest of it to a homeless shelter. wow.

just now, our two good friends came over to say goodbye to Jon. we talked and laughed for about an hour. jon admired Will's watch and said he needed to get himself one of those. finally, we had to say goodnight. will hugged jon, and handed him his watch for jon to keep and take with him to afghanistan. 

i love them. and i love these stories. these people are such good examples. that is all i have to say, really. 

goodnight. <3

big news.

yes, we got some fun news on our anniversary (fancy that).

Jon got called into his superiors office.

what did his superior tell him?

"We need people to go to Afghanistan. We'll be leaving any time between August and December of this year."

i cried for a good half hour, put on jon's dog tags and went on with my day.

so while Jon is __,___ miles away doing-

this

this

this

and hopefully lots of this.;

I will hopefully be

eating myself silly

spending lots of time with cousins all over the US

staying a proud and supportive wife

daddy's little girl again!

beaching with visitors (thats YOU)

loving my innocent little one(s) who don't give me the sympathetic eye

making girlfriends

and R and R-ing the sh.. out of those 7 months.

and whenever he leaves, for however long,

i'm telling you that instead of becoming

depressed,

bitter,

and angry,

i'm going to try to become

prouder

more grateful for our time spent together,

and stronger.

so bring on the briefing,

the extra bonus pay with scary names,

and the 80 hour work weeks.

because it may all start with a goodbye, but will end with a hello.

BAM.