dreamland pt 1.

"We saw her mom at the store," I explained.

"Oh," he said, popping [one frito] into his mouth. "How'd that go?"

"Shit!" Corinna said loudly, as something crashed and broke in the kitchen. "Goddammit."

"Not so good," I told him.

He sighed, standing up. "Here," he said, handing off the Fritos to me. "I'm going in."

I watched as he pushed the kitchen door open. It started to swing shut behind him before catching on the stubborn piece of kitchen tile that poked up at the edge of the threshold. He walked over to where Corinna was standing, crying, holding a piece of broken plate in her hand.

"This fell," she said, holding it up as proof. "I didn't drop it."

"I know," he said, taking it out of her hand and putting it on the counter. "It's okay."

She wiped at her eyes, impatiently. Then she said, "I hate that I let her do this to me. It's so dysfunctional."

"It's not your fault," Dave said as Corinna closed her eyes, leaning her face against his chest, and I felt bad for watching, turning my attention to the Brady Bunch rerun on the TV.

I wondered again if this was what Cass's life was like with Adam in New York. I hoped so. Even if she was struggling and living off Ramen-noddle soup, it seemed perfect to be in this kind of love.

Corinna was still crying, even as Dave kissed her forhead and smiled, taking one of her hands and twirling her around the small, paint-peeling kitchen. "Stop," she said, half-laughing as he dipped her over the garbage can. "David, honestly."

He was humming something, a song I didn't know, as he twirled her out, then pulled her back, scooping an arm around her waist, and led her into an exaggerated tango, both of them stepping expertly over the dog bowl.

"You're crazy," she said, but now she was smiling.

Outside the window over my shoulder it was winter, flat and gray. But in the kitchen, under the warm bulb light, they were still dancing, laughing, twirling across the tiny floor while those silver bracelets jingled, making music all their own.

page 125 DREAMLAND, Sarah Dessen

eat, pray, love...again.

I saw the movie tonight.

i liked it. i knew i would.

i usually hate the movies everyone loves, and love the movies everyone hates.

I like the worst movies. "Because I said So"? One of my favorites. 

i liked it because it made me think. a lot.
i typed a whole blog.
turns out, it was really personal.
i made a journal last night at relief society.
I've been writing in it. i'm going to give it to jon when he gets back. 
so he won't feel like he missed out on anything.


there was one part in the movie where she was describing a building.

"A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it, along with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins? It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. 
...
Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. 
Ruin is the road to transformation."

this goes along with this entry.

then here is a quote from the book. she is referring to God.  

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert 

one of my all time favorite quotes here. 


and lastly,

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life."

i miss jon tonight. in a good way.

i love him.

the day after we got married.