ups and DOWNS of deployment.

its not quite over. 

and the closer it gets, the harder it gets. 

the days are getting slower, longer.

i've been running full speed.

running full speed for seven months, not slowing down.

i couldn't slow down or else i'd realize just how bad it really sucked.

so i ran.

i lived for the days, i couldn't face 7 months dead on. 

day one down. day two down. day three. 

i've got this. feeling good. i can do this.

i can't just get through this deployment, 

i can get through, and get through with a smile.

the days continued to drag on. day 99. day 100. triple digits. day 150...

keep it up. keep running. halfway done.

keep smiling. people think that its easy. you make it look easy.

long nights. long, lonely nights, empty bed.

forget the stress, the worry. life is too short for cruelty.

it's been so hard.

moving away from my family, away from my friends, school, job, everything familiar.

moving to a new place. new faces, new environment.

no job, no school...

i was just here with jon.

i moved out here for JON. and for HIS job. 

and i really had nothing.

i don't think people understand what it is like.

they just see military wives living through their husbands.

but that's the only thing they can do for awhile. 

thats the only thing they have. they left everything else back home.

left it all, just to be with the one they love.

you will never understand it, unless you live it.

unless you move from your comfort zone to a different state,

JUST for your husbands military job.

i'm actually quite lucky that jon left so fast after our wedding.

because then i was left here. i didn't have him to live for.

i didn't have him to hang out with, to cook for, 

i didn't get to wait for him to get off work.

i got to live for ME. find friends for me.

find hobbies, expand talents, keep myself busy.

i learned how to crochet.

i learned how to go to a family ward all by myself and sit all alone.

i learned how to cook for one. and eat at the table alone, in silence.

in my dinner prayer every night, i'd pray for jon.

it was 6am his time. 

i'd pray that he was warm and safe.

church and dinnertime was the loneliest. but i learned how to do it.

it was kind of nice not having someone else to clean up after.

it was nice getting to stretch out in bed.

nice to always do what i wanted to do, when i wanted to.

it wasn't so nice not having anyone clean up after me. 

wasn't nice going to bed alone and waking up alone.

the cat only understands so much. 

it did get annoying when i could tell she wasn't REALLY listening to my stories.

it was hard.

sending my husband to a war zone was officially the hardest and scariest thing i've done.

worth it?

oh yeah.

i have made amazing friends.

i've learned so much. 

and from thousands of miles away, our love has grown.

would i wait for him again through another deployment? 

i'd wait for him through another 10 deployments.

i just love him that much.