one year ago.

once upon a time, there was a boy named adam.

adam was a football star, funny, and really cute.

he lived on staten island.
adam and i dated.
we had a lot of fun together.

we ate lots and lots of yolato.

we played in the rain and in the columbus circle pond at midnight.

we went to ghetto rockaway beach.

went to the bronx zoo, and did many other fun things.

when i was deciding to move home, i was really really sad.
i wasnt sure of the real reason why i had to go back to utah, i just knew i needed to.
adam was the one who always comforted me.
he continued to remind me not to regret moving home once i did.
that when i got home, i'd probably question why i went home. 
but i had to remember that it was the right thing.

well for a year now, i've wondered why i moved home.
i miss new york every day.
there are lots of reasons. the simple ones,
new york is a really really hard place to live.
its a tough city.
it is expensive.
i was really young.

but yesterday at church, i realized the most important reason why i moved home.
it is because of adam.

and i am so grateful i went back to utah.
thank you, adam, for the advice.
i bet you didn't know that it would be advice against yourself.

regina spektor.

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.

You can't remember; you try to feel the beat...

God Bless America

I've always known that I'm proud to be an American, but yesterday I realized HOW much. Seeing the flag, hearing people sing along to the national anthem, and seeing people stand up and clap when the Veterans drove by almost made me cry.
I am so grateful for the people that join the Military. They are way more brave than I can even comprehend, and they are the ones that keep normal life possible for us every day. Freedom isn't free.
And for that I say, thank you.
Semper Fidelis.

i punched my manager today.

I was making phone calls in the back office.
Right when I hung up, he started talking, standing RIGHT next to me. I screamed and punched him in the stomach.

He is a very feminine man. He is probably 6'3 around 160 pounds. So thin.
He gasped, hunched over and yelled "you hit like a boy! That knocked the air out of me!"

It was so sad. And I didn't even think before I reacted. I hope I don't get fired.

ugh.

its one of those nights.
one of those nights that happens once every two months.
where i lay in my bed for over an hour and all i can think about it stuffstuffstuff runningrunningrunning through my head and i can't stopstopSTOP thinking about how good it would feel if i let it all out on 'paper' and by paper i mean my blog.

so here i am, writing a blog at 12:10 am Pacific Standard time.
June 29th, which means another month has passed.
or another two months because i wasnt even aware May had already passed.

i haven't blogged very much since being in california.

normal day : wake up at 9:30.
use the computer until 10:30 while eating cereal that dad bought.
finally go running around 11.
run for a mile and die then have to walk the rest of the way home (5k in 5 days? uhh what?)
come home. shower.
somehow get myself to work. it takes a lot of energy. and i really really have to put my mind to it. or else i'd never get there.
get frustrated while driving on Pacific Coast Highway and dream of how easy and fast it was to go 15 miles on i-15.
run around for 4 or 5 hours getting clothes for people who aren't nice to me and who i rarely like.
some, though, some make the day worth it.

like this little old lady. SO OLD. i'm talking like....85. and so little. i'm talking....4'6.
(she was really hunched over)
and her husband.
i dont know why i get along with old people so well,
but i can talk to them easier than people my age.
she was buying white pants for golf.
i talked to her husband about where they were going golfing.
(like i know what newport golf course is)
and i told him my dad golfed.
and when i told him that, my dad seemed really distant.
like he was further away than a phone call.
or a text. or a 60 minute plane ride away.
i don't know why.

anyway.
after work i come home. think about going running again because i have nothing better to do.
check twitter.
see if anything new was recorded on the tv.
and eventually decide its time to go to bed. and wonder when amanda will come home that night. and if i should sleep in the middle of the bed, or the edge of the bed. i usually end up sleeping in the middle.
and then my day starts all over.

there are some days that are really fun. yesterday i had a terrible migraine so i couldnt go in to work. (...)
so we went to the beach instead. and laid there for a while.
and jumped in the ocean for awhile.
then got little ceasers and ate for awhile.
and that is just one of the fun days.

i'm going to utah on tuesday.
and i am so excited.

poor people have fun too!

today we woke up early and went to a class at 24 hour fitness. it was quite the workout! so sweaty!

then we went to costco and made sure to get a few samples of everything. i wish they always had young guys handing out samples,
getting more than one of everything wasnt too bad...

we've been to the library to read...

we couldnt check any books out though, because amanda has a twenty dollar fine she wont pay off. so we just read there. i can't stop thinking about how my book ends... :-/

we spend a sufficient amount of time in the car...listening to our favorite songs and stretching our vocal cords...

croquet with friends. on a sunny sunday afternoon.
it looks like they are not interested, but they were getting SO into it. you know how boys are.

and taking pictures of ourselves and each other is free too. so enjoy!

california summer!

hello from the west coast.

so last sundee dad and i woke up at 7 am. yes, 7 am. and we were on the road by 7:20. I told him i was surprised and happy we got such an early start and he said that it was because he woke up coughing and couldnt get back to sleep. that dad.

as soon as we left murray, i curled up and said goodnight. he said goodnight and i was out. i remember smelling mcdonalds at some point during the trip but didnt stir until we got to st george and he woke me up. he got me and amanda groceries at the costco there, he is such a doll! we've enjoyed the cooling sun screen, peanut butter pretzels, and 100 calorie packs that he supplied us with.

st george was short and sweet and our next stop was PRIMM.
yuck.
but i had to gamble.
he helped me.
i used two dollars, and won A dollar. so i really only lost one dollar.
luvs it.

i started work this week! its suuuuper stressful. i have never worked retail before. its hard getting to work three days a week, but once i'm there, i enjoy it! 

this is my store! stalk me.

so i've basically been enjoying time spent with nephi and amanda, new job and sunny california. one of my girlfriends from home was here! so i met up with her a couple times this week, it was so great. her missionary got home yesterdeay. CRAZY.
i also went to church today, finally getting much need social interaction.
(minus bein the 3rd wheel all week)

we even went to dland one night!! we only went on like 4 rides but it was soo much fun and not to mention- FREE!!
this is right before we went.

here is a video for your enjoyment. amanda and nephi at wingstop. i watched them eat since i dont eat meat. i havent been eating this week.
its disconcerting.
pray for me.