here we are.

My day consisted of
-Waking up late of course. The only reason why I woke up 15 minutes before sacrament meeting started is because Jesus gently shook me NO JOKE. I am not being blasphemous.
-Running to Jon's church. Sitting through fast and testimony meeting, listening to Jon and his mother bare theirs. Really touching, really sad, tons of tears.
-Walking out of the church and seeing someone trying to slice Jon's tires. Uh, wtf? Do you REALLY want to mess with a future marine? Jon chased after them and banged on the window but the guy wouldn't stop so he bottomed out his brand new BMW and Jon threw his keys at the back of his car as hard as he could from ten feet away.
-Family party with fun conversation and fun food. The old ladies from his ward love me, Mrs. Moody told me that she hopes things work out with Jonathan and I. I told her I did too. We ended the party with all saying something to Jon. What we thought about him, what we wished for him, etc...
I said (after saying "I'll try not to make this too personal...") "I think that you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Mentally and physically. And as you go into the Marines, I know that you aren't going to do anything but excel. You're going to make it to the very top."
-He asked for a blessing from one of the men, then him, his mother and brother were on their way. They went to the recruiting office, then went down to the Radisson to check him it at the hotel. I help cleaned up the house, then laid on their couch for awhile before having a panic attack then drove to my dads and chilled out a bit...I went back as soon as he got home. We jumped on the tramp with his brother (laughed so hard) then watched the golden compass. I did not fall asleep, Jon did, but I could still not tell you what that movie is about. Figure that one out. We then ate left overs, then went to Albertson's for milk. When we got back, we watched a really cool movie. Men in the Quarom of the Seventy that are war veterans were talking about how being in the military is going to affect us. What to do and expect, and what not to do. Finally, we decided it was ready to go. So he bid farewell to his family while i waited in the car. On the way down, we laughed and talked. It was light hearted. Then we hung out in the lobby for a bit. He finally walked me to my car and we said goodbye. We were teary eyed but it was pretty easy. We hugged a lot, and kissed a lot. And flirted and laughed. I really love that kid, he makes me so happy. Even when I should be sad. Then I drove away. And he stood there and waved. And watched me drive away. And when he was out of my sight, I started to cry. And I cried the whole way home. The shameless kind of cry with your hand over your mouth and your eyes wide. Shocked and upset with yourself that you're crying to hard, and scared about being at the point where you have a reason to cry that hard.
It was a good day. I'm home now. Wearing his "American by Birth, Marines by Choice" shirt (haha), going through all my texts trying to save the cutest ones. Which is an impossible task, seeing as how we're the most embarrassingly cute couple ever. Our texts to each other are quite ridiculous.
"Hey gorgeous"
"I miss you."
"I miss you more."
"I can NOT wait to see you !!"
Random "I love you"'s in the middle of the day, middle of a normal conversation. Eeeee thinking about him makes me happy.
Even given the circumstances. Crazy? Yes.
Natural? Very.

tulip festival.

not worth it.
but we did get some fun pics.

this picture basically describes the past couple months of my life. there has been no slowing down and no time to do anything for myself except laugh. you should see my house/room/car right now. its frightening.

little robbie! how cute is he.

we are in a 'caterpillar' (ps does anyone really say catERpillar? i think i've always said catapillar....), it may look like we're just having fun, but it was really really slippery in there, amanda and I were trying to look through these slits but we were sliding down. robbie did not understand what was so funny/difficult.

just hangin with the tulips.

i am not responsible for making him cry....
ts ts ts ts :)

please, no photos
ps look at my two eyebrows.

such a little cutie. it had started to rain, he was not down.

me and my sweety gurl. (nick name copyrighted) in a bears cave hehe!

baaaaaaaabe

feeding the fish my fingers

i just love these two. looks at their eyes.

seriously, lizzie must have been busy. robinson girls texting away, robbie being ignored "Mommy mommy mommy mommy!!"

it was a fun little get away, complete with bears, light houses, clayton production, and chocolate covered strawberries!

see similar pics and fun videos here. :)!

quick update.

just a follow up to this post. my to-do list for march.
well what did i ACTUALLY do?

i cleaned 50% of my room .
there isnt THAT much stuff with no place to go...
that can definitely be my summer project.
ps at least it doesnt still look like this-

i LOVELOVELOVED san fran! definitely the final kick off with me and my besties. (jessie is safe and sound in the MTC...she loves it....and loves running into boys there that she has made out with)
i tried to find a picture of it to post on here but i can't pick just ONE, so i'll have to write an entire blog about it. lucky you. :)
sneak peak.

i did without my spending plan!

and i've been SOooo happy! :)
spring clothes are my favey.

homework is going okay. school is fun, difficult, but fun.

i've been working on this project since jan.

this is a terrible picture but this is the result. so much work.
glad thats done. i think that is 2 of 6 finished. my last day is thursday. yay!

well, i havent played tennis much :(!! but i have ridden my bike all around! I love it so much. i've ridden it every day this week. such a work out. it TOTALLY makes up for never going to the gym.

well thats a quick update on my lifelifelife. expect another post in like

ten minutes.

:)

april 20, 2009.

today has been crappy so far.
why i should love april 20th, 2009.

-it will neverevereverever happen again. ever.
-i'm running on 4.5 hours of sleep. and love the reason why. uh.
-its 75º mostly sunny with wind but still mostly sunny. with 3 following days of sunsunsun and warmwarmwarm. aka dressesdressesdresses.
-i'm going to the spa today.
-i am going to play in the sun tonight. with friends. and their dogs. and my sisters dog. you're welcome lizzie. pray he doesnt get hit by a car when he bolts onto 59th.
-i'm conversing in swedish saying hilarious things thanks to www.translate.google.com. while me and my coworker and both helping each other fight with two different people. so funny.
-its 420. i am not a smoker, but i do love getting amanda's annual weed related texts.

what are some fun reasons why YOU ARE HAPPY?
its a good day outside.
enjoy.

post secret.

SOMETIMES JUST THE ACT OF SHARING A PAINFUL SECRET 

CAN RELIEVE SOME OF THE PAIN.

"I yelled at her for weeks about how wrong her abortion was. But she still held my hand when I had one."

"Everywhere I look, people have found someone to share their lives with. I don't think anyone is looking for me."



"I loved him more than anyone else ever will. But I don't miss him."

"Now that I'm happy, I hardly ever read postsecret anymore."

now i know.

it shouldnt hurt.
i deserved it.
and i saw it coming.

but it still hurts.
a lot.
even though i saw it coming.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
maybe this quote by Marilyn Monroe will ring true once again.
just maybe.

don't read if you have a weak stomach.

or as weak as mine. because mine already hurts and i havent even started writing.

so what is one thing i hate more then hearing people describe in explicit detail the dream that they had the night before?

describing my own dreams to people in explicit detail.

"So I had this dream last night..."
"...oh yeah..."
"No I know what you're thinking....but this one was really funny! So we were at your house, and we were cuddling! It was so weird....we were watching Mean Girls of course, and suddenly I look down, and you are not you. You are your mom!"
"...um where is this...going.."
"Well yeah....I guess it wasnt...that funny..."

anyway here i go.

describing the dream that i had last night. or was it a nightmare? i hated it. when i woke up i was very upset. am i kidding? no.

so my dream started out with me sitting at a table. looking down at poor oscar, sitting on my plate.
alive.
looking at me.

kind of like that, but looking at me. and his legs were sticking out.

and with a fork and knife...
i was cutting pieces of his leg off.
and i was eating it.
and he was still ALIVE!
it tasted like chicken for the first few bites. but then when i realized what was happening, the meat in my mouth started to feel gooey and tasted like raw meat.
i am a vegetarian.

that is when i lept from my seat at the table and ran to my dad. well, oscar had the same idea, and he was running SO FAST!!! he was running sooo fast and running up my back with his little claws and little legs and shell and beady eyes. so i was running all around! screaming for my dad to help me! and to make him stop! and i was running around my aunt camille's house, jumping on the couches. well, it knew how to jump! and jumped onto the couch and onto my shoulder! I was a panicked mess and my dad was laughing like he does! laughing so hard and saying "look how fast he can run!!"

thats when i woke up. sick and upset and mad and confused and i seriously shudder whenever i think about it. this post was actually difficult to write, it makes me cringe. i hate touching that turtle! i actually never have....

example A.

example B.

example C.

well this morning when i went to say my usual morning goodbyes to oscar, i couldnt do it.
i could absolutely not make eye contact with him.